We Are All Vampires
XX — Vampiric Rage
← Karl Swainston / We Are All Vampires
The vampire is often exposed by its intense bouts of anger and rage. If its actions and deeds are thwarted, and the vampire cannot reach and take its desire, the vampire becomes emotionally charged. This is the only emotion the vampire openly shows.
Spontaneous bursts of anger will often compromise the vampire. All its machinations and wonderfully contrived stratagems can become compromised in an instant. This is one of the most prominent tell-tale signs of a vampire around you, either in a relationship or a business.
This really is an unfortunate vampire. As the saying goes, this vampire is as ‘thick as a brick’. It does not possess the intelligence to operate as a successful vampire but is a vampire. Like the ugly and obnoxious vampire, the thick or stupid vampire is a regular tenant of Her Majesty’s Prisons. Although, the stupid vampire can be as aggressive and violent as the ugly vampire.
The thick vampire has the yearning and the desire to suck out the positive energy from others. Although the thick vampire may not be ugly, it does not possess the mental faculties that allow it to operate successfully. This is when they have a tendency to lash out.
The stupid vampire will return to prison time and time again, committing the same crime almost with clockwork regularity. Unlike the ugly vampire, the stupid vampire is inclined to drugs, and when it is not in prison for some crime, the stupid vampire is off its face somewhere. This is why the thick vampire can also be known as the ‘druggie vampire.’
The stupid vampire has just about enough intelligence to recognise that it does not possess the mental faculties to operate as a successful vampire: it gave up on that back in childhood.
Throughout childhood and early teens, the thick vampire would almost certainly have been known to the social services. It would have regularly been in trouble in school and in society. Parents would have finally given up on the thick vampire in its teens, deeming the whole upbringing process a complete waste of time.
Once the parents had given up on the stupid vampire, it would begin life alone in its late teens, moving from hostel to prison, back to the hostel, and back to prison. Then a new life starts for the thick vampire in a bedsit, kindly arranged by the parole board.
For its remaining days on earth, the thick vampire will continually commit a crime, take drugs, go to prison, commit a crime again and retake drugs. If the thick vampire possesses any courage, it could consider suicide. Still, vampires are spineless creatures, and the thick vampire often leaves life through a drug overdose or from some interminable disease brought on by its unfortunate lifestyle.
The thick vampire is a genuinely tragic creature. Its tiny brain didn’t give the vampire a chance in life. But we must not feel sorry for this vampire. This vampire brings misery to many people because of its criminal activities. No amount of remedial therapy can help the stupid vampire. Like all the other vampires, the stupid vampire possesses no empathy, sympathy, or conscience to connect to and change the thick vampire’s ways.
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About Karl Swainston
Karl Swainston is a writer and storyteller whose work is forged from a life lived across the North of England and far beyond. Growing up on a Leeds council estate in the 1960s, Karl's journey was anything but linear. By the age of thirty, he had already lived a dozen lives: from the rigors of grammar school to a degree in Latin, a stint as a fishmonger, a period of discovery living in Marseille, and a return to the hustle of London. Whether working as a postman, a builder, or competing as a county-level chess player, he was, above all, an avid reader—constantly documenting the world around him. This restless spirit continued into his professional life. Karl later taught in Bradford, where he ran a specialist unit for 244 of the most excluded students from across the region—young people whom even the local Pupil Referral Units could not accommodate. Working alongside his old friend Malcolm, Karl spent his days navigating the volatility of Bradford's most aggressive and dysfunctional teenagers. Throughout his life, Karl has been an avid runner and has always shared his home with a rotating cast of beloved dogs and cats—companions who have been constant witnesses to his work. As a writer, Karl's range is as expansive as his history. He works across a wide breadth of genres, including fiction and short stories, autobiography and memoir, biography, non-fiction, and metaphysical writing, as well as providing sharp commentary, opinion, analysis, and essays. Whether writing about his years managing the Harrogate Arms or offering insights from his current adopted home in South East India, where he lives in a simple village with his dog, Bambi, Karl's voice reflects the full, untidy, and deeply human breadth of life. He continues to draw on the rich, decades-long tapestry of his experiences to tell stories that matter, proving that no matter where you live, the human story remains the same.
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